Relational intelligence for your nonprofit team with Betina Pflug
9/26/2022
““Everything that exists in the world has polarities. For example, day and night, hot and cold reason and emotion, right or wrong results of relationships, networks, or hierarchy.... So every type that we have in our framework has positive and negative parts.””
In episode 57 of Nonprofit Mission: Impact, Carol and her guest, Betina Pflug (Beh-tee-nuh Flug) discuss:
What makes relational intelligence unique
Polarities – what they are and how to manage them
Building nonprofit team dynamics in a virtual workplace
Guest Bio:
Betina Pflug is an executive and life coach with over 25 years of experience in entrepreneurship, relational intelligence, strategic decision-making, nonprofits, facilitation & training, marketing, and CRM. Her international experience enables her to share best practices from a different perspective and allows her to communicate in several languages, such as Portuguese, German, Spanish, and English. With a personal motto of "leave every place you go, better than you found" and her organizational skills, Betina identifies problems and dreams up actionable solutions.
Important Links and Resources:
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Carol Hamilton: My guest today on Mission Impact is Betina Pflug.
Betina and I talk about relational intelligence. What it is, how it is different from emotional intelligence, why it is important to team development, and how it can help teams work more effectively together.
Mission Impact is the podcast for progressive nonprofit leaders who want to build a better world without becoming a martyr to the cause. I am Carol Hamilton, your podcast host and nonprofit strategic planning consultant.
Welcome Betina. Welcome to Mission Impact.
Betina Pflug: Thank you so much for inviting me to be here, Carol.
Carol: So I like to start each conversation with what drew you to the work that you're doing. What motivates you and what would you describe as your “why”?
Betina: My big “why” started in Brazil. I was rescuing dogs. A lot of times I always saw poor dogs on the street, took them home. I said, one time I need to help something. In a different way instead of just doing individual docs, why don't I go to a non-profit and try to help them with many. So I started doing research of what shelters were around in my area. And I started volunteering with them after a while I became the volunteer coordinator for the organization. And at the same time I was running a marketing agency and learning a lot how to generate new leads, marketing big corporations. And I said, you know what? I'm gonna use my knowledge to help nonprofits. So I started every Friday working pro bono, applying everything I learned in my agency to the nonprofit world. And then one, after another nonprofit, it started inviting me to revisit their fundraising strategy. And I love doing this more than my regular work. So when I moved here to the United States, I had a chance to start from scratch my career. I said, why not work a hundred percent with nonprofits? I love this. It's much better than working for profits. So I hired a coach to help me out, to migrate and be able to work a hundred percent with nonprofits. That's why that's when I started working with Salesforce, implementing Salesforce for nonprofits, and I never stopped. Now. I'm coaching nonprofit professionals. I'm doing a lot of new initiatives with nonprofits, but always with my heart on my work.
Carol: Excellent. Excellent. And yes, part of that shift has been focusing on relational intelligence. So can you first just describe what that is?
Betina: First off, why I came up with this topic and why it is so important after helping several nonprofits meals on wheels, I can name it, chase the music, a lot of nonprofits. I noticed that the biggest challenge inside the nonprofits is the lack of professionals, they don't have as many people as they wish to execute all the ideas. So people are wearing different hats. And sometimes a person who's running the volunteers needs to go and manage an event and needs to work on the fundraising strategy as well. So they need to be very flexible and for an executive director to be able to delegate things for their team, she needs to understand what I'm telling her, because the majority of the S reces are females. So this executive director needs to understand the native talents that each employee has, so they can take the best out of them and understanding and having a self-assessment tool and understanding about what are the talents that each employee, each person on their intelligence help on communication help on taking the best out of each professional that you guys have. That's why I was looking for a self-assessment tool and a training that was easy to implement, and it won't be something complicated that they will have the wish to take this even to their own personal life. So that's the self-assessment tool I'm using. It's called try its
Carol: How would you say that relational intelligence is different from emotional intelligence?
Betina: First of all, I'd like to compare relational intelligence to artificial intelligence. So we are in a big era of technology. We need to really improve our skills on interacting with devices in the future. We will be doing fundraising using Alexas and refrigerators because we're gonna have internet all over our house. So artificial intelligence plays an important role in the organizations right now, and we play an important role even in the future, but not even, not only artificial intelligence is important, but people really need to understand how to relate with each other. And I can give you an example. Sometimes kids go out for a program and they have internet over there. Whenever the internet stops working, they stop talking. They only know how to communicate using their smartphones gladly. We are from a different generation and the majority of the professionals working on nonprofits right now. We're in a place where they haven't had devices. We used devices so much at that time, so they knew how to relate with each other, but we were losing this capability when COVID hit. We were at home working remotely and we lost a little bit of this touch on how to relate with each other. So relearning, how to relate, how to learn for example, Gestures postures and how people react with your information, learning how to express yourself with words, not only texting or sending emails, plays an important role inside the organizations. Right now, answer your question. What's the difference between relational intelligence and emotional intelligence? When we talk about emotional intelligence is understanding how you're. And how others are feeling relational intelligence is understanding what are your skills? How do you like to communicate and how do other people like to receive information and how do they communicate such different perspectives? That's what we're talking about when we mention relational intelligence.
Carol: Yeah. There are a number of different things that I wanna follow up on there. Just your, your story about younger generations and. just getting so used to communicating only through devices or then going to online school. And of course we're doing this via a screen. Excuse me. And just thinking, just last week was the first time for me to be back in a room with a group of people facilitating a meeting. I hadn't done that since 2019. And I know a lot of people who are at a big conference of folks who work with associations this week and the posts on LinkedIn about, people have grown back their legs and this whole. Seeing people beyond just, the top half talking head piece. So I think being able to navigate in both contexts is really important. But yeah, figuring out how to work together as a team with which you work well with communication styles, all those, all those things are really critical and important. Can you say a little bit more about the framework and how you work and how you use that with teams?
Betina: Yes. First of all, I think it's important to touch a little bit about behavior evolution in organizations. In the past, we were very used to obedience to rules and authorities. We rarely listened to each other and differences were punished. Everyone had to be equal. Technical activities were more common and logical intelligence was the most important thing. So if you have a high IQ, you will be able to be hired. In our present moment, what's happening, Carol. We still obey. We respect who rules. And sometimes now we listen to each other. Different. Sometimes we are punished as we can see big movements like black lives matter. And we still have a transition between this respect between differences. Polarization and re rejection. We have a lot of that in politics and in problems that are coming up in technical and relational activities, starting to race and emotional intelligence is super important in our present moment. But what we see in the future that's gonna happen inside an organization is that people will start breaking rules. They're gonna have more respect for each other and more freedom. You can see this in some environments already. The difference will be included. We are gonna respect everyone's rights. We will really listen to people. Diversity will be accepted. Each one can have their place and relational activities will be the main thing inside organizations and relational intelligence will play an important role. That's what I see the difference between the organizations and that's why it's super important for us to start learning how to use relational intelligence in our lives.
Carol: Yeah. I mean, I definitely see those changes as we start to. I think there's been, it's been a long time coming of questioning hierarchies, how to that top down way of managing, I'm just gonna tell you what to do. I'm not asking you to bring your thoughts to the table. And I think in some arenas, that's still very much the mindset. And I feel like the whole great resignation, with folks just walking off of jobs and not feeling like their managers or their organizations, their companies really were. Caring about them as individuals, especially as we were really confronting, some, some existential crises in, in COVID as people are, literally having to face dangers to their, their health and safety as they work and, and then shifting towards the more egalitarian flexible changing rules I feel like there's some organizations that are moving towards that. And a lot that are still resisting it really, really, very much. And with the whole, everybody has to go back to the office three days a week, or, we're gonna be doing this, these things in different ways and, like put up or, put up or put out and. Some of what you describe on the other end feels a little utopian, but I'd love it. I feel like there are a lot of folks who've been wanting management to shift in that direction for a long time. So I'm, I'm curious about your, your reactions to, to, to our current moment.
Betina: Yes. We've seen a lot of organizations wishing to change, but there is a lot of resistance. So the way we are helping them is by bringing them awareness of who they are, the leaders, having them having awareness of themselves and having awareness of the teams, the, the main people they have. Together with them and how to better communicate. That's why this training is super important because what we do is we send a self-assessment task for every participant. They do the test, they receive a report of 28 pages that they can understand better about themselves. And then we do a workshop, a four hour workshop with the whole team explaining how they can use this knowledge. To better communicate with each other. You asked me about the framework. How does it work? So Marco and Antonio, the guy who developed this methodology, he's been a coach for four years in Brazil. He was the founder of ICF, the international association coaching association in Brazil. And he mainly coaches CEOs of big corporations over. After 35 years of experience leading and coaching CEOs, you figure out the main problem they have is leading teams and forming efficient teams like combining different personalities and different skills in an efficient team. So as you might have heard, a disk is an amazing tool in the market, but a more than 80 years old disc is very old compared to our Reality right now. And there are other tools like Agram that are very efficient, but they require a lot of study. And whenever you want to scale down to the whole team, a methodology like that, without spending a lot of money with consultants, it's important to have an easy way to transmit knowledge. So the methodology that he has. This framework has only five types and they are the thinker, the achiever, the organizer, the social and the integrator. And I can tell a little bit about each type so you can understand the difference between them, but he normally uses colors. So the thinker is the white. As we can imagine, for example, a human being connected to the cosmos, to the ideas. That's the white that represents it. The second one is the organizer, the blue, the person who is very here in the mind. The third one is the social, the green one. That's connected with the heart, with nature, the person that's very warm. The achiever is the gut, the orange, the person who really wants to get things done. And the integrator, if you visualize a person standing up, I can say that an integrator is a person who has roots, like a tree, a person who goes deep, who sees the interconnection between them. So, the framework that we use has five types and each person has at least two of them that they navigate in polar. And we explain a lot about polarity. Sometimes we think our boss is crazy because one day they're acting one form. And the second way they're totally different is because they're navigating into the two main characteristics. And in polarities, I'm gonna give you an example, a person who is green, who is very social, they're very empathic. But at the same time, they victimize themselves a lot when they're in the negative part of the green. So that's why it's hard. Sometimes you go to a person who is green and they're very happy, welcoming the next day they're complaining and everything's a disaster. So understanding polarities, that's something that's already in our environment and understanding that the person can have two different types and they use this to navigate the world. It's essential. So the framework also explains that during our life we develop our third. Skill the third type. This is what brings balance. So imagine if you're navigating into two different types and for you to have balance, you have, you need something to hold you in the middle, and this is the skill that you develop along your life. We call it the third color. So it's very simple. It's only five colors and the framework it's Sorry to say again, it's easy and simple. So a leader can be trained and train their employees to apply this in their personal life. And someone who participates in the workshop will be able to go back home and identify the kids' personality, how to interact with them and will be able to use another personal life and professional life at the same time.
Carol: Yeah, as you describe those different types, I can, I can see myself going back and forth between the, I don't know, the thinker of the achiever. And then through all the work that I've done, probably, always trying to strengthen myself, the relator or I don't remember what you called that group, the social, the social group. So, yeah. And and, and polarities, you mentioned, can you, can you say a little bit more about what polarities are and, and why, why they're important?
Betina: Okay. Yes. I think this is super important. Everything that exists in the world has polarities. For example, day and night, hot and cold reason and emotion, right or wrong results of relationships, networks, or hierarchy. So polarities are present in our life. All the. The same way our native talents have PLAR. So, as I was explaining, if I'm a social person, sometimes I can be very loving. Sometimes when I'm negative of myself. Socially, I can be victimizing if I'm an achiever, a person who wants to get things done, they can really achieve goals, but in a negative part, maybe they can go over some people to achieve their goals. They can be seen as a cold person. So every type that we have in our framework has positive and negative parts. And whenever you receive your report, you're gonna be able to read everything that you have as a positive, everything that you have as a negative and how to relate with different color.
Carol: Yeah, I appreciate working helping groups see polarities cuz especially working in groups, there's often a push pull between relationships and tasks. Like what, getting into task. What's the agenda? What are we, what are we doing next? Versus, let's get to know each other. Let's build trust. And I feel like a lot of groups feel like they have to choose one or the other. And going through that exercise of mapping out, okay, what are the positives for relationships? What is the shadow side? What's the positive for, focusing on, on task and what are the shadow sides, helping them see that you can, you can really have how might they. Really leverage more of the positive of each side versus having to feel like they have to choose one or the other way of working together. So I feel like it helps groups bring a little more balance that they can kind of. tack back and forth between, okay, well, we're gonna do a check-in at the beginning. It doesn't mean we're gonna spend the entire meeting checking in. We do have some things we need to get done where we're an organization that has a mission as a purpose. So I love that tool as one that I think it's very often very eye opening for groups. It releases them from that either or thinking. How do you see that? Playing out in terms of teams thinking through their different strengths that they bring to the table? The way
Betina: We approach this as we do some exercises together and one of them is teaching them to compare individual versus collective. So we write everything that by working individually, what are the benefits of working individually? What are the shadow parts of working by yourself? For example, the positives of working by yourself is that you control your time. You can prioritize. What's important to you? You have a peaceful mind, less conflict. You can move quicker, you have control and efficiency, but when you're in the negative or being individually too much individually, You, you can fuel only, you only have a single perspective. You have to put more effort on what you're doing. You can get stuck, feel overwhelmed, and maybe you can have blind spots. Whenever we are working on the positive of the collective, like working in a group, we have different perspectives. We have more strength to leverage. We have collective experience. We can go faster alone, but further together. And in the negative part, maybe we can deal with drama. We need to deal with feelings. We have to compromise. Maybe we'll move slower and could be more expensive. But what we teach them is how to navigate. If you're in the positive of the individual, you go to the negative, the way of getting. Is going to the positive of the opposite, the positive of the collective. So how to navigate in this framework is the secret. Whenever you transcribe this framework to relational intelligence. So we go in the basics, understanding the concepts of polarities first, and then we introduce them to the different types and how to navigate in your native talent.
Carol: So I feel like a lot of the conversation about remote work or work in the office has to do with this push pull again between the individual work and collective work. And what, what settings do people need for each and a lot of assumptions from how work used to be in terms of, the, this idea that if we're in the office, we're gonna bump into each other and have. co collaborative aha moments where actually the studies have shown that actually that doesn't happen a whole lot. It may have those bumps, those kinds of. Bumping into someone and having conversation moments in the office may have to do more with that relational aspect of just getting to know each other and building trust, getting to know the person outside of their work role. But I'm curious when, as organizations are having to navigate this. Do we continue working remotely? Do we do a hybrid? Do we in person curious how that individual versus collective conversation plays in these types?
Betina: I'm not sure if I understood your question.
Carol: So you were talking about the individual and the collective, and I feel like we're in this moment where A lot of things that were taken for granted when we all were in the office together are having to be pulled apart with virtual and remote work. And I'm just curious about how you see this framework and working between those, those modalities play out when, when teams are navigating working remotely.
Betina: I can give you an example with a corporation that we implemented, this methodology better business bureau has 17 employees and we train all of them. And the benefits of understanding their own strengths was that when they came back to the office from working remotely, they were able to understand what preference each person has. So the achiever, they really want to have goals and settings and it's okay for them to go back to the office as soon as they can. If they can achieve their goals for society, it's super important to come back because they need this relationship for the blue ones who are the rational ones. They don't need this touch. They really need to see black and white plans in advance. They prefer to stay at home. But have been aware of what their strengths are, if they are blue, but at the same time, they have a little bit of green going to the office. They can meet and smack the activities that they're doing, but respecting each other and understanding their differences is what will make a huge difference in the organization. So they were able to better communicate and set expectations about coming back from remote work, by knowing each other better. I can also give you an example. If you understand the native talents of someone new that you just hired, you can create a new integration process for this. Imagine you're giving a task to several animals. For example, to be fair on the selection. I want everybody to climb this tree and you're saying this to a monkey, to a ping wing, to an elephant, to a fish and to a dog, not everybody will be able to climb a tree, but the monkey will say, okay, I will get it. And that's the same thing. When you are in a work environment. I don't want to compare anyone to animals. I just think that everybody has different lands, how they see the world. If the leader understands what are the lenses that this person is using to see the world, they will be able to better communicate, to better prepare an integration process, to better prepare a meeting, to delegate and also to follow up and give feedback.
Carol: Excellent. Excellent. Yeah. I think that, using any tool that helps teams have a better understanding about how people are approaching things, their thinking process and how they're processing information. You know how they approach things differently and having them have a conversation about that is always gonna help the team work more effectively together in the future.
So at the end of every episode, I like to play a game where I ask one random icebreaker question. So the one I've got here is very unrelated to what we've been talking about, but what show on Netflix or streaming service of your choice, did you binge watch embarrassingly fast? Anything recently?
Betina: I think I will go back to nonprofits. I'm sorry. I'm a patient about nonprofits. I saw a documentary about nonprofits, international nonprofits. And when I was watching, I said, oh, this will help me so much. I will be very in love with nonprofits. Look, they even have a program on Netflix, but after I watched them, they were showing the bedside of the nonprofits. Oh no, I was so sad. Showing how we are exploring the third word and everything, but I think it was super important for me to have a different perspective. A different approach, a blind spot that I wasn't able to see how the third world is receiving the support from international nonprofits. And this made me be more aware that it's important to see positive things and negatives all the time. Not just thinking that everything is beautiful, but listening to both sides to make my own conclusions. So I'm still very passionate about the nonprofits. I truly support international nonprofits. I think they're doing amazing work. If they weren't here, we wouldn't be able to change the world. Nonprofits are doing everything that nobody else wants to do. So I admired it and I was happy to find this on Netflix.
Carol: Yeah. So I think with, with anything that people create, there's always an upside and a downside, every person, every type there's always the positive part. And then when you do too much of it you can get in your own way. So, yeah, absolutely. So what are you excited about? What's coming up for you? What's emerging in the work that you're doing?
Betina: I work as a coach and one of my best clients is my husband. And recently he wasn't happy at his work. And I was thinking that I have so many tools to help someone find a new job. Why don't I use it with my own husband? I said, okay, I'll give it a try. Sorry that I'm clapping here. Maybe it's still loud for you guys. But I was super excited to apply everything that I knew to help a person find a new job. He did several interviews and he finally found a job inside the same company he is in right now. And we are moving to Australia at the end of the year. Oh wow. I plan to keep working with nonprofits. I plan to keep having my show of wisdom for nonprofits that I have a podcast and doing the same. Just in another country. I came from Brazil, stayed six years in the United States and my next journey will be in Australia.
Carol: That is so exciting. That is so exciting. Well, good good wishes to you as you make that transition. That's a, that's always a big one and changing countries and learning a new culture, always a big transition, but I'm sure it will. I'm sure you'll manage it incredibly well. And I'll be looking forward to hearing about your exciting adventures in Australia.
Betina: Yeah, I hope so. And maybe we can share some knowledge from the nonprofits over there in your show later on. Everything that I learned that I think could be beneficial to nonprofits, I would try to share.
Carol: Excellent. Excellent. All right. Well, thank you so much.
I appreciated Betina’s perspective on polarities. Polarities are everywhere – breathing in and breathing out, rest and activity. In groups and organizations one where there is often a lot of push and pull – relationship vs task. Many conflicts come from trying to argue for or against one side of a polarity. As I phrased it there relationship vs task. Big picture vs details. But the truth is we always need both sides of polarities. And there is an upside and downside of each. For the relationship and task example. If you focus only on task which is often the pressure in our culture – the upside is you are efficient, you get a lot done and are productive. But you might burn out yourself in the process. You might alienate team members and bruise some feelings. If you only focus on relationships in a workplace – the upside is you know each other well, you – hopefully – enjoy each other's company. But the downside is you are not actually moving your mission forward, you may be very conflict averse and avoid tough conversations. But in reality you do not have to choose one or the other. You can attend to relationships and get work done. And as organizations grapple with whether or not to return to the office – hybrid or 100% remote. This will be impacted by what type of work your organization focuses on. And practically some organizations are still locked into office leases that impact their decision making.
Yet I invite leaders to decouple the idea that the office equals organizational culture. Every human group creates a culture – So remote only teams and organizations have a culture too. Culture is not created by the building – it is created by people in the building or the Zoom room. Whether you create that intentionally and are mindful of it or not is a different question. And even 100% remote teams get together periodically. Many remote first organizations have periodic retreats where they bring everyone together for team building, planning and other activities. So again you are not stuck in an either or. If you do decide to let go of your office, take some of the money you are saving on rent and be sure and compensate employees for those extra expenses they are incurring by working at home. And provide stipends for going to a co-working space if they do not have a good space at home conducive to work.
Thank you for listening to this episode. I really appreciate the time you spend with me and my guests. You can find out how to connect with Betina, her full bio, the full transcript of our conversation, as well as any links and resources mentioned during the show in the show notes at missionimpactpodcast.com/shownotes.
I want to thank Isabelle Strauss-Riggs for her support in editing and production as well as April Koester of 100 Ninjas for her production support. Please take a minute to rate and review Mission Impact on Apple podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. It helps other people find the podcast. We appreciate it! And until next time, thank you for everything you do to contribute and make an impact.
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